Get a slice of life
Eat some pie
Before you die
Thursday, October 3, 2013
Saturday, November 10, 2012
A list of her hungers
Hungry for freedom
But scared to walk alone
Everything I learn
I wish I would have known
Searching for truth
But hiding in the dark
Wanting direction
Afraid I'll miss the mark
Wanting love
Afraid to give
Afraid to try
Afraid to live
Can't stop now
We might be close
Find the place
That no one knows
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Are you a Ninjaholic? Know the Warning Signs!
Okay, I admit it. I'm addicted to Fruit Ninja. If you don't know about fruit ninja, first of all, have you been living under a rock? Second, I don't know whether to insist you download it immediately or beseech you to stay away! I've come to grips over the past few days that I may need professional help to ever get my life back. I don't know if there really is any escape from the power of the Sensei.
If you do know, you may be wondering if you, too, are an addict, a NINJAHOLIC. Here are some of the warning signs I've encountered. If you are experiencing one or more of these symptoms, it may be time to hang up your machete and call The Internventionist. I'm right behind you. Just let me finish this game.
Warning Sign #1: You have a blister on your index finger
Warning Sign #2: You dream of diced fruit
Warning Sign #3: The best compliment you received this week was "Combo God"
Warning Sign #4: When playing Fruit Ninja on your phone, you ignore incoming calls and text messages.
Warning Sign #5: You avoid using your phone to make calls or answer texts unless it's plugged in. Drain the battery and cut your play time short? Out of the question.
Warning Sign #6: You've begun to extrapolate life lessons from this seemingly meaningless game, i.e. "When things slow down, it's a good time to get organized" or "Avoid bombs"
Okay, that's all for now. This post just ate up all the free time I had today that isn't already set aside....can she break 700??? Wish me luck ;)
If you do know, you may be wondering if you, too, are an addict, a NINJAHOLIC. Here are some of the warning signs I've encountered. If you are experiencing one or more of these symptoms, it may be time to hang up your machete and call The Internventionist. I'm right behind you. Just let me finish this game.
Warning Sign #1: You have a blister on your index finger
Warning Sign #2: You dream of diced fruit
Warning Sign #3: The best compliment you received this week was "Combo God"
Warning Sign #4: When playing Fruit Ninja on your phone, you ignore incoming calls and text messages.
Warning Sign #5: You avoid using your phone to make calls or answer texts unless it's plugged in. Drain the battery and cut your play time short? Out of the question.
Warning Sign #6: You've begun to extrapolate life lessons from this seemingly meaningless game, i.e. "When things slow down, it's a good time to get organized" or "Avoid bombs"
Okay, that's all for now. This post just ate up all the free time I had today that isn't already set aside....can she break 700??? Wish me luck ;)
Friday, May 6, 2011
Break the Chain
Chain reaction
Chained to you
Chain of command
Captain of my sea
Shepherd of the flock
Yet, I walk in the valley, still wanting
Wanting love
Wanting hope
Wanting peace
But all the pieces are scattered
Some destroyed, some lost
I can't put it back the way it was
And in this way I see
You're letting go, I'm free
But still the chain leads back to me
Twisted and tangled
My body's in knots
I long for the stretch of release
And hope that when the last link breaks
I'll find myself underneath
Battered and broken, but still breathing
And when I gasp that first breath
And finally cut this rotting cord
I'll be born
Monday, March 7, 2011
Teen Angst
Another find from the AZ storage unit...here are a few poems written during my freshman year of high school. It was a dark time. But don't worry. I'm still alive.
The Awaited Day
(Sept. 20, 1996)
How lonely is the soul
At the pit of my despair
How deep is the cut
And is it really there
Did it really happen
Or is it all just in my head
I expected them to cry with me
But they laughed at me instead
How many are the tears
That fall now from my eyes
How real is my revealing
How fake is my disguise
What do my eyes say now
The windows of my soul
They are guarded by the shield
That protects the empty hole
Who is next to break my heart
Am I again to be betrayed
Have I come back with too much faith
Will the price be something I can't pay?
How long have I been crying
And do I really suffer now?
How long before I laugh again
Have I really forgotten how?
They don't believe my tears are real
They see this as a stupid game
But I can see the end of my desperation
Death shall be my claim to fame...
Life is...
(Dec. 6, 1996)
Life is a joke that nobody gets
Life is death row without any lets
Life is a prison where no one is free
Life is a lock with a missing key
Life is a maze with no way out
Life is a troubled mind full of doubt
Life is a lie with no truth to tell
Life is a broken bird that just fell
Life is a tiger, starving to death
Life is two worst enemies just met
Life is a map with no north or south
Life is a witness that won't open her mouth
Life is a secret that nobody knows
Life is a dying, withered red rose
Life is a flower that loses its scent
Life is the words that you never meant
Life is a heart, breaking in two
Life is a killer, that killer is you
Life is a long, dark, endless night
It's all over now...turn off the light
The Awaited Day
(Sept. 20, 1996)
How lonely is the soul
At the pit of my despair
How deep is the cut
And is it really there
Did it really happen
Or is it all just in my head
I expected them to cry with me
But they laughed at me instead
How many are the tears
That fall now from my eyes
How real is my revealing
How fake is my disguise
What do my eyes say now
The windows of my soul
They are guarded by the shield
That protects the empty hole
Who is next to break my heart
Am I again to be betrayed
Have I come back with too much faith
Will the price be something I can't pay?
How long have I been crying
And do I really suffer now?
How long before I laugh again
Have I really forgotten how?
They don't believe my tears are real
They see this as a stupid game
But I can see the end of my desperation
Death shall be my claim to fame...
Life is...
(Dec. 6, 1996)
Life is a joke that nobody gets
Life is death row without any lets
Life is a prison where no one is free
Life is a lock with a missing key
Life is a maze with no way out
Life is a troubled mind full of doubt
Life is a lie with no truth to tell
Life is a broken bird that just fell
Life is a tiger, starving to death
Life is two worst enemies just met
Life is a map with no north or south
Life is a witness that won't open her mouth
Life is a secret that nobody knows
Life is a dying, withered red rose
Life is a flower that loses its scent
Life is the words that you never meant
Life is a heart, breaking in two
Life is a killer, that killer is you
Life is a long, dark, endless night
It's all over now...turn off the light
Violence is never the answer (then why is it so effective?)
From a very young age I was taught that violence is wrong, that it solves nothing, and that we should use our words to win arguments. Seems like sound logic to me (and I'm pretty sure that most people I know would agree). I'm not a proponent of war, gang violence, or spanking. However, recent discussions, observations, and events are challenging this long-held absolute, and hinting at the possibility that there may be some cases where violence is indeed the most effective, perhaps the only, course of action. But does that make it right?
Ah, there's that word again. What does it mean to be "right," anyway? Right according to whom? Society? Authorities? God? We have written laws which govern society, but the unwritten laws of that society seem to stick us between a rock and a hard place. I'm not just talking about "societal norms" that serve to distinguish the "normal" people from the rest of us, but also personal and group value systems that fill in any ambiguity. How these systems are formed and whether they are defensible is a fascinating question, but an attempt to answer it would not only be frustrating as hell, it would cause me to digress even further from my point, so I'll leave it alone for now.
If I haven't lost you yet, let me explain. I recently observed two entirely separate incidents which on the surface appear similar, but under further review are actually quite different.
The first was actually a fictional event, a scene on my favorite show involving a group of 6th graders on the first day of school. Shane, one of the show's lead characters, is new at the school and is hoping to escape the ruthless bullying he endured in previous years. His friend Isabelle beseeches him to accept his fate with her words of wisdom: "If only life were a Judd Apatow movie where geeks ruled the world, but it's not, so let's just suck it up." Shane shrugs her off and asks someone who the most popular kid in school is. "Dan" is pointed out. Shane walks over to Dan, introduces himself, and then suddenly smacks him in the face with a lunch tray, knocking him out of him seat. From that point on Shane is feared and admired by everyone at his school.
The second event was related to me by my friend's teenage son (I'll call him Mark), who is also in 6th grade. Mark is a sweet kid and has been bullied, ridiculed and otherwise antagonized since the first day of school. Last week he lost his cool when one of the popular kids got in his face and taunted him, calling him names. Mark channeled his pent up rage to his fist and punched the kid, knocking him over and bloodying his nose. A week later, Mark is now one of the most popular kids at school and has a girlfriend.
Perhaps due to the overcrowding and overall inadequacy of the California Public School System (and also the unwritten jr high code that discourages "tattling" when you are attacked by a classmate), neither Shane nor Mark experienced any repercussions from school authorities. However, even if they had, I doubt they would regret their approach, given the results achieved by their single, relatively mild act of violence.
Allow me to point out the subtle difference: In Shane's case, the attack was unprovoked. It was a premeditated maneuver to establish his dominance and avoid being a target. In Mark's case, however, you might say that the other kid "deserved it" - after months of pestering, Mark finally had enough. His reaction was almost animalistic - in the moment - while nonetheless effective. So now that we've established the intent, is Shane's act worse than Mark's?
Maybe this is an obvious yes for some, but I can't seem to wrap my brain around it. Why does it matter whether the act was premeditated? Why do premeditated killers receive a harsher punishment than those who kill in the heat of passion? Our lawmakers have decided that someone who willingly and consciously breaks the law is more dangerous than someone who cannot control his/her impulses. I'm not sure I agree with this determination.
According to mens rea, "the act does not make a person guilty unless the mind be also guilty." So if Mark acted on impulse, he did not have a guilty mind. On the other hand, Shane had intent, though end his goal was not to hurt Dan. I suppose I can agree that Shane's premeditation indicates disregard for the rights of others, and that is not good, but does that make it worse than Mark just "losing it?"
Then there's the question of moral priority and justifiable violence. If the code of teenagers makes being "popular" more important than almost anything, can we blame Shane or Mark for their actions? What other recourse did they have? I originally made the mistake of applying adult logic to this question. But approaches like "use your words" and "kill them with kindness" can rarely be applied successfully in the junior high setting. ("Well, [slap] me with a dictionary, kid. Get beat up much?")
In twisted teenage logic, I think both boys felt they were acting in self-defense, though Shane's strike was more preemptive. If social acceptance is linked to a sense of security (and I believe it is), isn't self-defense a reasonable excuse, even if no real physical danger was present?
Are they simply moral failures because their priorities are out of whack? If so, then at what age do we start demanding that their priorities be in order? Or do we allow moral mismanagement to continue into adulthood, so long as no laws are broken?
Ah, there's that word again. What does it mean to be "right," anyway? Right according to whom? Society? Authorities? God? We have written laws which govern society, but the unwritten laws of that society seem to stick us between a rock and a hard place. I'm not just talking about "societal norms" that serve to distinguish the "normal" people from the rest of us, but also personal and group value systems that fill in any ambiguity. How these systems are formed and whether they are defensible is a fascinating question, but an attempt to answer it would not only be frustrating as hell, it would cause me to digress even further from my point, so I'll leave it alone for now.
If I haven't lost you yet, let me explain. I recently observed two entirely separate incidents which on the surface appear similar, but under further review are actually quite different.
The first was actually a fictional event, a scene on my favorite show involving a group of 6th graders on the first day of school. Shane, one of the show's lead characters, is new at the school and is hoping to escape the ruthless bullying he endured in previous years. His friend Isabelle beseeches him to accept his fate with her words of wisdom: "If only life were a Judd Apatow movie where geeks ruled the world, but it's not, so let's just suck it up." Shane shrugs her off and asks someone who the most popular kid in school is. "Dan" is pointed out. Shane walks over to Dan, introduces himself, and then suddenly smacks him in the face with a lunch tray, knocking him out of him seat. From that point on Shane is feared and admired by everyone at his school.
The second event was related to me by my friend's teenage son (I'll call him Mark), who is also in 6th grade. Mark is a sweet kid and has been bullied, ridiculed and otherwise antagonized since the first day of school. Last week he lost his cool when one of the popular kids got in his face and taunted him, calling him names. Mark channeled his pent up rage to his fist and punched the kid, knocking him over and bloodying his nose. A week later, Mark is now one of the most popular kids at school and has a girlfriend.
Perhaps due to the overcrowding and overall inadequacy of the California Public School System (and also the unwritten jr high code that discourages "tattling" when you are attacked by a classmate), neither Shane nor Mark experienced any repercussions from school authorities. However, even if they had, I doubt they would regret their approach, given the results achieved by their single, relatively mild act of violence.
Allow me to point out the subtle difference: In Shane's case, the attack was unprovoked. It was a premeditated maneuver to establish his dominance and avoid being a target. In Mark's case, however, you might say that the other kid "deserved it" - after months of pestering, Mark finally had enough. His reaction was almost animalistic - in the moment - while nonetheless effective. So now that we've established the intent, is Shane's act worse than Mark's?
Maybe this is an obvious yes for some, but I can't seem to wrap my brain around it. Why does it matter whether the act was premeditated? Why do premeditated killers receive a harsher punishment than those who kill in the heat of passion? Our lawmakers have decided that someone who willingly and consciously breaks the law is more dangerous than someone who cannot control his/her impulses. I'm not sure I agree with this determination.
According to mens rea, "the act does not make a person guilty unless the mind be also guilty." So if Mark acted on impulse, he did not have a guilty mind. On the other hand, Shane had intent, though end his goal was not to hurt Dan. I suppose I can agree that Shane's premeditation indicates disregard for the rights of others, and that is not good, but does that make it worse than Mark just "losing it?"
Then there's the question of moral priority and justifiable violence. If the code of teenagers makes being "popular" more important than almost anything, can we blame Shane or Mark for their actions? What other recourse did they have? I originally made the mistake of applying adult logic to this question. But approaches like "use your words" and "kill them with kindness" can rarely be applied successfully in the junior high setting. ("Well, [slap] me with a dictionary, kid. Get beat up much?")
In twisted teenage logic, I think both boys felt they were acting in self-defense, though Shane's strike was more preemptive. If social acceptance is linked to a sense of security (and I believe it is), isn't self-defense a reasonable excuse, even if no real physical danger was present?
Are they simply moral failures because their priorities are out of whack? If so, then at what age do we start demanding that their priorities be in order? Or do we allow moral mismanagement to continue into adulthood, so long as no laws are broken?
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Answers
What do you do
when you want to go home
but you're not sure where that is?
Do you turn?
Do you turn back?
Do you promenade?
Are you left or right-handed?
What's your sign?
Do you want to dance?
Do you know Jesus
Do you have any grey poipon
Pardon me, sir, but I have one question...
You see I thought for a minute
That you might have an idea
But now as I watch you sitting there
Pretending...
Imparting your words of wisdom
Regarding this or that
Or was it the other thing?
I can't remember anymore
Bringing us back to the point
Which is...
that there have always been
more questions, than answers.
And that is, after all, what we live for.
The answers are always, at least, a pause if not a resolution.
It's always the questions which keep us moving,
which make us wake up in the morning
to pursue the elusive answer.
Sometimes I just wish I could go back to the time
When I didn't know...
Oh, what I wouldn't give to wonder again!
It's the questions we love to love
Answers are so final.
(this was the last poem written in the notebook shared by Kristy & Sharon)
when you want to go home
but you're not sure where that is?
Do you turn?
Do you turn back?
Do you promenade?
Are you left or right-handed?
What's your sign?
Do you want to dance?
Do you know Jesus
Do you have any grey poipon
Pardon me, sir, but I have one question...
You see I thought for a minute
That you might have an idea
But now as I watch you sitting there
Pretending...
Imparting your words of wisdom
Regarding this or that
Or was it the other thing?
I can't remember anymore
Bringing us back to the point
Which is...
that there have always been
more questions, than answers.
And that is, after all, what we live for.
The answers are always, at least, a pause if not a resolution.
It's always the questions which keep us moving,
which make us wake up in the morning
to pursue the elusive answer.
Sometimes I just wish I could go back to the time
When I didn't know...
Oh, what I wouldn't give to wonder again!
It's the questions we love to love
Answers are so final.
(this was the last poem written in the notebook shared by Kristy & Sharon)
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